Reflections on Leaving Ministry in the Church of England - 5 Years On

This time of year is full of anniversaries for me. One of them is that I finished as a vicar in December 2019. In some ways it seems like yesterday.

I was baptised and confirmed in the Church of England because my family were committed evangelical Christians and went to a good evangelical Church of England church when I was growing up. Although I was involved in churches from different denominations as a teenager and student (Nazarene and Baptist Union), I never really shifted much from my evangelical Anglican roots, eventually training at Oak Hill for ministry and then being ordained and ministering in the Church of England for a decade.

In that context, I suppose it's not surprising that five years still doesn't feel that long, even though the upheaval of leaving was huge and the challenge of church planting since has often been overwhelming.

However, this anniversary in particular has had me reflecting on leaving - perhaps 5 years in enough to begin to get some perspective! So I thought I'd share a few thoughts.

Reasons for Leaving

Looking back, my main reason for leaving was that I couldn't see how to be faithful to the commands of the New Testament with respect to false teachers (e.g. Romans 16:17; 2 John 9-11). At the time, it had become like this because of the utter breakdown of church discipline, which had allowed people who didn't believe the stated doctrine of the Church of England to be ordained as ministers and consecrrated as bishops.

In my personal journey this was exposed by two things. The first was the move to becoming a vicar in two small churches in Rochdale. These churches didn't have lots of money or people and were inevitably a turnaround job. I think we did some good things in that context, but as I strived for faithfulness it became clear how difficult that was to achieve when you were dependent on the diocese in various ways. The independence I had felt in large churches and as a curate were replaced by a complex set of relationships which it seemed to me were impossible to navigated faithfully.

The second was that I moved to the Diocese of Manchester having been a curate in Blackburn and an ordinand in London. Manchester was more liberal and hostile to evangelicals and increasingly so. The evangelicals in Manchester, even in larger and more secure settings, were mostly unwilling to act even in the face of serious false teaching and, in my eyes, were not being faithful to the NT commands. Increasingly isolated, I found it untenable to keep going.

What has happened in the Church of England in the last five years has hardly been a surprise and the failure of evangelicals to be united, coherent and effective in bringing change or creating something new was, I'm afraid, only to be expected. I think I recognised that something like this was the trajectory and while it is nothing but sadness to me that I was broadly right, I think we have reached the place where it is hard to think of the denomination as Christian in biblical terms, precisely because the bishops and synod have voted to give up on biblical terms in the Prayers of Love and Faith.

When I was serving in the Church of England, one of my reasons for doing so was that the foundations were solid, even if many of the leaders were not. It was naive of me to think that the leaders wouldn't remove the foundations, which had started before I left, but I think has been formalised over the last five years.

The reactions of some to me leaving haven't been wholely positive. By some, I am thought to have left my flock like a hired hand, undermined the battle of the conservative for the church, and gone AWOL from my post. However, with the distance of a few years on the outside, I'm happy with my decision.

I like the definition of the church in the 39 Articles of Religion:

The visible Church of Christ is a congregation of faithful men, in the which the pure Word of God is preached, and the Sacraments be duly ministered according to Christ's ordinance in all those things that of necessity are requisite to the same. (Article 19)

I'm glad to have had the opportunity to minister in that kind of church and am not sure I could have said that while within the Church of England. I couldn't say it now.

Things I Miss

That said, it would be wrong to say that there aren't things I miss.

There is a rootedness in history in the Church of England. I know independent evangelicals often mock some of the history. The English Reformation was certainly complex and later approaches to Puritans and non-conformists were often despicable. And I know that rootedness it available outside the Church of England. It's not as if the history of Christianity in Britain or the church belongs to Anglicans! But for all that, the Church of England and Anglicanism is woven into both the history of my country and my life. It's interesting that there seems to be an increased interest in that kind of rootedness in society and a faithful Church of England would have been well-placed to reach people with that interest. It's sad that it will be an opportunity largely missed.

Linked to that, I miss the opportunities that being in the Church of England afforded. It is very noticeable at Christmas. These days we might get the odd extra person who will hear the gospel at something to do with Christmas. Before, even in the small churches I serrved in, I would speak to hundred of people each Christmas about the message of Jesus. If you've listened to the podcast I did with Stephen Kneale, you will know that I am sceptical about the impact of some of that ministry, but I was glad of the opportunities and, as I said above, a healthy Church of England could, I think, have been greatly used.

I miss having a church building. This is ironic, as I have spent years teaching that the church is not the building (something I still believe) and I found managing aging and problematic buildings a pain (something I still recognise). For all that, not having a building is hard work and limiting and, dare I say, not meeting somewhere that "looks like a church" is probably a bit past its sell-by-date as a missional strategy. We may be doing cafe church a decade or two too late!

Things I Don't Miss

There is, of course, plenty I don't miss.

The sense of freedom in leaving was not short lived. I am so grateful not to be constantly dealing with false teachers who have some kind of authority over me. I have a clear conscience in that and a freedom to get on with ministry without constantly having to address the next situation or issue that has arisen. Ministry, especially in a town like Rochdale, is hard enough without having repeatedly difficult situations and people thrown at you by your denomination! I remember an evangelical bishop coming to chapel when I was at college and asking us to pray for him because he constantly had people sit down in front of him and seek to make him compromise the faith. That isn't healthy church or healthy ministry for anyone. It's sick and the freedom of being out of that context is wonderful.

I also don't miss fighting the battle with other evangelicals. I think there can be something uniting and productive about fighting together, but it didn't feel much like that in the evangelical wing of the Church of England. They often say that organising evangelicals is like herding cats, but that makes trying to fight with evangelicals a miserable experience. More often than not you felt as isolated from those who were apparently on your side as from those who weren't.

I don't miss the pointless time sitting in diocesan meetings or training feeling my will to live draining away because the people in charge don't believe the gospel and so don't know what they should be doing or why they should be doing it.

I don't miss the contant interpersonal conflict with people employed by the church who didn't believe the gospel. There tends to be enough of that dealing with unbelievers in the world around us and who come into contact with the church. One of my clearest memories in Church of England ministry was yet another difficult conversation with the archdeacon which ended with her asking why we could talk it through as Christians, pausing, and then saying that perhaps it was because I didn't think she was a Christian. It was a moment of clarity for both of us I think. I knew she wasn't a Christian. The truth was we had two entirely different faiths and we were trying to live them out under the same roof. That is so energy-sapping and destructive.

There's lots more I could say, but after five years maybe that is a good enough start.